The university restaurant and it's interesting food...

For 2,90 Euros you can’t really expect much, especially when it pays for a 3-course meal. But considering it’s in Lyon, gastronomic capital of France, you’d hope that they’d try to make it edible. Unfortunately the university food is much like the little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead; when it’s good it’s very very good, but when it’s bad it’s awful.

The subtle art of flavouring does not seem to have been discovered yet, and the lack of flavour of some cheap food is ‘cleverly’ disguised by adding pepper. So much pepper that the food then becomes inedible. Unless of course, you REALLY like pepper.

The salad side-dishes are a mystery, and when selecting your dish it is much like a lucky-dip at lunch-time. You can see what it is; carrots, lentils, fluorescent pasta, but unless you sample each dish with your fingers while you are trying to work out which one you’ll like, there is no way of knowing what it will taste like until you sit down. Even something simple that should have an obvious flavour, like grated carrot, is unpredictable and will often have many strange dressings and flavourings added to it. You can get lucky and choose something with little or no flavour. Or you can get unlucky and opt for a dish which tastes like something that shouldn’t be put in the mouth. Like nail-varnish remover. With the desserts, its normally best to go for something that hasn’t been made on the premises, like fruit or a pot of yoghurt. If you do want to branch out a bit, there is the tricky lucky-dip decision to make, and the wide selection of France’s answer to angel delight. It is essentially a strange bowl of gloop, which comes in different colours depending on the flavour, which moves of its own accord. Very sickly, and difficult to eat more than one bowl of. Or so I’ve been told. After paying, getting cutlery and then glasses, there is the issue of finding a seat. Normally not too much of an issue when there are only two of you, but when in a larger group, people are asked to move bags, coats and even themselves so that you can all sit together (‘could you move down the table please?’). But still, for 2,90 Euros it’s not bad.

Smoking in france

Cigarettes are as essential as a mobile phone in France. They are the main socialising accessory or aid. The cloud of smoke that surrounds groups of people creates a very close and amicable atmosphere, even outside. While the English use alcohol as an aid to help them talk to people, the French start conversations over cigarettes. If you are against smoking, you can still make friends by carrying a lighter with you at all times. The number 1 reason that a stranger will talk to you in france is to ask for a cigarette or a light.

As for smoking inside, officially the law forbids it, and signs are everywhere to remind you of the fines for smoking in an enclosed space, but some cafes and bars still have 'fumoirs' or smoking rooms, and if its raining or you REALLY need a ciggie, the general rule is if you can feel a breeze, it counts as outside. Or just lean out of a window.

La mode francaise

Neutral colours are IN! You must not stand out in a crowd and if you’re a blonde or redhead, be prepared for excessive male attention! Any outfit is completed with a cigarette and if you wear glasses, make sure they’re big and geeky! Ugly Betty style glasses, even with clear glass, are a must for everyone this season! Any hairstyle goes, but if you wear your hair up and have ears that stick out further from your head than you’d like, an alice band is a great accessory to pin back and control those ears!

If you get bored of jeans, then there is always the option of beige trousers which have been sighted on some of the more individual inhabitants of Lyon. Want to ditch trousers altogether? Then shorts are a great option, or a skirt (but make sure it finishes just above the knee at the shortest) but whatever you go for, make sure they’re in a neutral colour like the rest of your outfit and tights MUST be worn, but only in skin-colour or black. Any display of flesh or colour attracts male attention, which is completely unnecessary and unwanted.

Scarves are, of course, obligatory and may be used to brighten up your outfit with an autumnal splash of green or red but most will choose to invest in the goes-with-anything black. This way it matches most of your wardrobe or can provide a nice contrast if you choose to wear beige or white.

But please, whatever you do, avoid bright, solid colours. This is the style of French men who think they are gangsters, and are seen wearing tracksuits, hoodies and baseball caps. It is a look to be avoided at all costs, and as previously mentioned, WILL make men talk to you. And no-one wants that.

Choosing somewhere to sit

When sitting, be it in a cafe, restaurant, lecture, you must try to get an extra seat if you want to appear French. This way, your bag and coat may sit next to you. I haven’t yet worked out why this is so important. It is possibly so you have all the important things closer to hand, rather than having to bend down to pick your bag off the floor, or it could be a natural reaction dating back to the days when people smoked indoors, and so the floor was covered in cigarette ash. Who’d want to put their bag/coat on that? I must stress that at this point, these are only speculations.

Because most spare seats will be occupied by coats or bags (as explained above), especially in the university restaurant, it is perfectly acceptable to ask someone to move their things so that you can sit down. This is not at all considered rude, in the same way that it shouldn’t be considered rude when the cashier starts scanning the next customer’s items while you’re still putting yours away at the supermarket. It’s not rude, it’s just what’s ‘done’.

Introductions

When being introduced to someone you must kiss them. The same goes if you see someone that you already know, even in passing. In Lyon, the general rule is 2 kisses, first moving to your right then to your left. This depends on the region, and around Paris it is not uncommon to have to kiss people 4 times. Some areas go to the other side too, which might go some way to explaining why people don’t generally move to different areas of France. Too much potential for social embarrassment by going to the wrong side or not showing enough affection by only giving 2 kisses rather than 3 or 4. If you happen to go to a house party, or indeed any gathering of friends, the process must be repeated until you have worked your way around the room, introducing yourself to everyone as you exchange kisses. Someone explained it to me as being impolite in France if you do not kiss, as it shows you are friendly enough with someone to invite them round to your house...or something.